Long Way Down

Once again Ewan & Charley were plunged into the unknown, equipped only with two vans full of supplies, a full back up team - including intermittent visits from Ewan's wife and family, a medical expert, a film crew and an apparently limitless budget. What a couple of wankers!

Next year, the wankers are going to travel across Iraq in a giant bomb and bulletproof bubble, facing all kinds of dangers like sand and wind en route.

It's a strange thing watching Long Way Down. For on the one hand you are undoubtedly seduced by the voyeuristic charm of peeking into the "real life" of a Hollywood A lister, but then there's always something niggling away that ruins it. And then you realise what it is. It's Ewan's embittered sidekick Charley, who becomes more and more annoying with every minute that passes. To be fair it must be a right cunt to be travelling with someone whose very presence serves as a constant reminder of the abject failure that your life is. Added to this, Charley looks like a kind of mummified Einstein; with his large googly eyes popping out of their sockets, his acidic public school accent and his apparently limitless appetite for twaty schoolboy antics. I found myself praying that one of his wheelies would result in a terrible accident and the shattering of all his limbs. Was that wrong of me?

And then there's the blatant star pampering that is going on. At one point in last night's episode, the producer Russ, thinks it would be a good idea to surprise Ewan in Botswana by flying out his mother. I'll fucking bet he did! Just like he probably thought it was a very good idea to lick Ewan's shoes clean every morning or rub him down with baby oil every night after their gruelling 50-mile bike ride.